My late 20’s and early 30’s have been weird years. Watching friends and close family get promoted, get engaged, get married and/or have babies has been an interesting experience for me.
Sometimes, I get myself into a place where I feel I am the only one not moving quickly onto the next stage and feel like I are stuck with no escape.
I have been very fortunate to have a number of groups of friends that are all at relatively different stages but I still feel a little out of place in all of them (for different reasons). The only thing I can compare it to is the early years of high school.
I always expected to have children by my 30’s and that is not the case. I love every single one of my friends and their adorable little children but sometimes I just wish I were joining them in a mother/baby yoga class.
I thought I would give some of my insights for those who are just entering into this awkward stage and I hope it will shine some light onto the new stage of your friendships.
Your friends still love you!
Even though their priories have changed from spending long nights eating pizza or heading to the new cool bar, they still need your love and support. This may change into a dinner at their house listening to your stories while they breastfeed or a games night where everyone falls asleep by midnight. You may develop a beautiful email/text relationship and talk occasionally on the phone. As I have grown, I have come to appreciate these as some of my favourite moments.
They will want to bring their kids!
They are their offspring for goodness sack and this is OK! What a special blessing for your friend to think you are so amazing that they want you to know their children through all stages. You get to be that crazy auntie that sticks around through all the good and bad. I know sometimes you can want your friend’s full attention but life changes and look at the great experiences you get (and the training for when it is your turn to try and stay calm while your kid is teething!).
It is ok to be jealous but it is not ok to push them away because of it!
We all have specific things we want in life and some are harder to achieve than others are. Children are a blessing that seem to come easy to some and others it can be very difficult. The longing for children in your own life does not give you the right to put that on someone else. Instead of pushing them away, share your feelings with them. They may actually understand more than you think and if they cannot relate, at least they can be there for you, as you need.
Your friends will probably bail on plans!
I am sure it is very disappointing when a friend has to call to cancel a sushi date or girls night in because their little one is being fussy. They want a break just as badly as you want to spend time with them. Just remember that this is NOT a reflection on their loyalty to your friendship. I know the babysitter/husband/boyfriend/mom is probably highly trained for these situations but I don’t know about you but when you really think about it could you enjoy a night out knowing what was potentially happening at home?
Friendship like any relationship can be hard but if you have made it to your 30’s there must be something special worth working for, right?
Take some time to reflect on your feelings and remember, your friends only what the best for you and if they do not, well that is another post for another time.